Clarke's Law
by netgirly2k
Summary: Albion, the Doctor had decided, was definitely his favourite planet.


Albion, the Doctor had decided, was definitely his favourite planet.

He did feel a bit guilty, like he was cheating on the Earth. But Albion was brilliant! A race of aliens nearly as old as the Time Lords, and nearly as fond of Earth as the Doctor, had spun a planet from the Time Vortex based on Earth's Arthurian legends. And they'd got it a little bit right; and gloriously, fantastically, brilliantly wrong.

The Doctor quickened his pace, and wondered how fast griffins could run. He reached out and grabbed Gwen's hand (soon to be Queen Guinevere, how brilliant was that!) pulling her alongside him.

The Doctor was absolutely sure that Arthur or Lancelot would be along to save Gwen from the griffin any second now, but just in case they weren't, he reached into his suit pocket for the sonic screwdriver.

* * *

"Gwen. Guinevere. How would you..?" the Doctor bounced nervously on the balls of his feet, because Gwen had been brilliant with that griffin, and how many time traveller's got to have the queen of Camelot as their travelling companion?

"Gwen?" a woman with masses of dark was striding down the hill to where the Doctor and Gwen were standing outside his TARDIS. She was very pretty, although not exactly dressed for running away from monsters.

"Morgana," Gwen called to her, "are you okay?"

Morgana. A Thought occurred to the Doctor, and he squashed it down. He wasn't going to kidnap Guinevere and Morgana Le Fay from the planet of the poorly re-enacted Arthurian myths to be his travelling companions. At least, he wasn't going to kidnap them for very long.

"Ladies, would you like to step into this blue box momentarily?"

* * *

The Doctor waited for either Gwen or Morgana to say something about the fact that the TARDIS was noticeably bigger inside than out. When neither of them did, he said, "It's bigger on the inside. That's because-"

"It's sorcery," interrupted Morgana.

"Oh, it's okay," said Gwen, noting the Doctor's put-out expression. "We're not afraid of magic. Morgana's a witch, and we've been friends with Merlin for ages."

"But I'm meant to be Merlin!" the Doctor whined.

"Yes, fine," Morgana agreed, "you're Merlin."

That seemed to settle the Doctor down and he asked, "Will you two need one bedroom or two, I'm never sure with human women."

"One shall do nicely," Morgana replied, and Gwen blushed even though she didn't think the Doctor was the sort to care what she and Morgana got up to behind closed doors.

* * *

"Why did you agree," Gwen asked later, stretched out on the bed in their chambers inside this TARDIS, "when he said he was Merlin? He said he was called the Doctor earlier."

"I supposed that 'Merlin' was the new term for someone skinny with silly hair and more power than is good for them."

* * *

The Doctor and Morgana were engaged in their weekly argument about sorcery.

"There's no such thing as magic."

"Then how can I see the future?" Morgana retorted.

"Oh," the Doctor scoffed, putting his feet up on the console, "anyone can see the future. I can see the future."

"You cheat," said Morgana. "And my eyes change colour."

"They do," agreed Gwen. "I've seen it."

"My eyes change colour," said the Doctor.

"Go on, then," said Morgana. "Show us."

"Ah, well," the Doctor scrubbed his hands through his hair. "That's a bit complicated. See, I have to get myself killed, then regenerate every cell in my body with a new genetic structure. Bit messy."

"And you say there's no such thing as magic," Morgana scoffed.

"There is no such thing as magic."

Morgana's eyes flashed gold and the pilots seat where the Doctor was sitting burst into flames.

* * *

The Doctor took them to Earth, to medieval England, and sent them out exploring.

"It was horrible," said Gwen when they returned.

"It was freezing, and raining," added Morgana.

"The way they treat servants," Gwen sounded appalled.

"They said my dress was _indecent,_" that was obviously the final straw with Morgana.

* * *

The Doctor was trying to convince Gwen of the horror of the class system she'd been raised with.

"You think there's something wrong with being a servant?" Gwen asked, handing the Doctor the cup of tea she'd made for him.

"No, no. Course not. It's just that what was the last nice thing Morgana did for you?" Gwen looked down into her tea cup. "Er," said the Doctor, "not counting anything remotely to do with the noises that come from your bedroom at night. By the way, I'm moving the pair of you to a room further away from mine. A Time Lord's got to sleep."

* * *

The Doctor was a pacifist. The giant insect really wasn't. All in all, it was lucky that Morgana was there to elbow it in the neck, and Gwen was there to steal its gun while it was doubled over catching its breath.

As the three of them legged it back to the TARDIS the Doctor still managed to make time for a speech about how violence wasn't the answer.

* * *

Albion was the Doctor's favourite planet. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, biologically impossible monsters were roaming the hillsides. A shiny sword was jabbing into his chest - hang on.

"You are under arrest for the kidnapping of the Lady Morgana and her maidservant Guinevere."

"Wait, now, hang on..." the Doctor was frogmarched to the dungeon. King Uther's dungeon, brilliant!

* * *

Inside the TARDIS Gwen and Morgana looked at the console controls.

"Now," wondered Morgana, "which one of these buttons did the Doctor press to make this thing go?"

"Can't you work it with magic?" Gwen asked.

"You forget, Gwen, there's no such thing as magic."

Morgana kissed Gwen, her eyes flashed gold and the TARDIS went spinning off through the vortex.


End file.
